KimKoay’s Dairy

My feeling and senses told me that something happen on you
I have no idea what’s it all about
Maybe it’s just a mere guess
but i was wonder what i have done wrong
that i got a cold reaction from you?
Ain’t i am too ‘naughty’ to you
that you can’t accept the one who i am now?

You seem secretive to me nowadays
that i can’t guess what’s your thinking
or even know your next reaction
Ain’t you or i having the revolution period
Ain’t you or i having the evolution period
Ain’t you or i having the transition period
Ain’t you or i having the mutation period
Whatever period it is
You are still my beloved ‘dragon’.

Your emotionless has made me to be panic-stricken
Maybe you or i have changed to
A person that tends to bottle up feelings
A person that want freedom and privacy
A person that need space and calm moment
A person that look for fantasy and future
Whatever we have changed
You and i are still having the same root
that can’t be broken off forever.

Should i have the ability fly here to your side
I would give you the warmest hug and kiss
and be your best ‘tiger’ to protect you
and listen to your stories
that amazed me.

Till then,i would always be your ‘angel’
that bless and support you no matter how and what.
Ich liebe dich.

Years go by

My soul was sold to the unknown person

To trade for the delusion

Which lead me to the deviation

Empty body without soul

Empty brain without mind

Empty heart without enthusiasm

Deep like a black hole

Walk like a corpse

With the unknown direction

But the fire of mine

Is still burning

With vigor and vitality

and hot and flame like a reddish lava from volcano

which moves me forward

and even drive me far from the old land and stories

which gives me the courage and energy

to deal with the devil and demon

without fear and timid

but yet have blinded me off
which have lead me to be a smart aleck

The Angel was sent by the God

With the purify water she hold

The blessings, love and care

Were planted into the water

With the sound of peace

And color of rainbow

The Ice was made by the water

Shaped like an arrow

Was aimed and shot directly to the black hole

The sound of ticking has stopped

Nothing was left in this world

But the new live was reborn

Purification…

Change…

Revolution…

Evolution…

There has no heaven and hell anymore

Let’s the new life begins

By welcoming the new journey and story

Let the time to prove everything

That this new live worth its values

By standing on the top of the world.

奴性的光辉 : 卡奴 . 房奴 . 车努 . 孩子奴

我们都想要自由
可是工作做不完, 变成了事业的奴才
我们都不想浪费光阴
可时间总是不知不觉溜走, 我们变成岁月的奴隶
我们都希望孩子快高长大
可他们每长高一寸, 父母的背就弯一寸
我们都喜欢宠爱自己
只有信用卡能抚慰, 于是变成它最忠诚的俘虏
我们都害怕失去
但却不懂得珍惜, 被得失牵引着脚步
我们都追求幸福
以财富打造完美人生, 一辈子偿还生活的债
我们都希望有人爱
却忘了施比受快乐, 成了感情的奴隶
我们都想当自己的主人
但身不由己, 因为奴性的光辉正灿烂

To Be Continue…

性奴的残酷:

我们都想要幸福(=性福)
可是性爱做不完, 变成了性业的奴才(所以才会有买淫与卖淫的)
我们都不想浪费光阴
可时间总是不知不觉溜走, 我们变成岁月的奴隶
我们都希望高潮次数增加
可我们每做一次, 性能就退两次(所以有伟哥)
我们都喜欢宠爱自己
只有性爱用具能抚慰, 于是变成它最忠诚的俘虏(所以有性爱店与性爱网络)
我们都害怕失去
但却不懂得珍惜, 被得失牵引着脚步
我们都追求幸福(=性福)
以性趣打造完美人生, 一辈子苦思性爱的技巧
我们都希望与不同人做爱
却忘了爱滋病与性病, 成了性爱的奴隶
我们都想当自己的主人
但身不由己, 因为性奴的残酷正蔓延

我把我的心
狠狠的打上硬化劑！！
讓它染上黑色
如墨
如漆
沒有色彩
不見黎明

热忱的红色心
只为你而保留与跳动!

注:只有你手上的松化剂和色彩嫔纷的染色料才能让我的心跳动地更完美灿烂!

Time

 

The clock is ticking over there

I was counting the each tick.

The more it ticked

The more I feel the fear and the sorrow.

It seems like the dropping of the water

Would flood the houses away.

 

The drawer was filled with the thicken ashes.

A touch on its surface

Has made my hands to look so grey and dirty

I took out the photo albums

Looking back those days

That I have spent with my family and friends

The yellowish pictures have shown time has passed so fast

I was grown up from a baby to a young adult

My parents’ appearance and complexion have changed towards the time

But the love, smiles and warm they gave me would never changed.

 

The ‘First of May’ sang by Bee Gees was playing over there

It was the song I loved to sing with my daddy

But it never sings by me anymore.

As I feel meaningless without my daddy singing with me.

The laughter of us filled in the house by watching Stephen Chow’s movies

Was only the memory for me nowadays

Ain’t my laugh is not loud and sound anymore?

Or the space of my house is too big?

 

‘Home’ by Michael Buble

is the best song to describe my current feeling.

I promised myself to complete the task

Within the time limit

And go back to your side

As soon as I can

I want to see your smiles again

I want to hear your laugh again

I want to feel your happiness

I want to give you the best of the best

As this is what I have promised you

I know I can do it for you

And it’s only for you but nobody.

I want you to feel that

I have grown up and mature

And have the capability to protect you and give you the security.

 

Promise you and I

Give me the time

To build the thing for you

To prove that I can do it for you

And it is not an empty promise

 

My dreams came true

When I found you

My miracle

As you are the angels brought me here.  

 

My wish for this year is to ‘JUST DO IT WITH MY BEST EFFORTS’

And ‘HOPE TO MEET YOU ALL UP SOON’.

The ash has surrounded me

i can’t see you with my eyes

i was so frustrated and down

and i was nearly bursted out.

The tears were nearly down

but i trust my feelings that

you are always be here for me.

You layed your tender and strong hands on me.

Tell me not to be fear no matter how

Cos you will be my side no matter how and what.

I was touch

Even i wasn’t live with you nowadays

but your laughter and the jokes are still playing in my mind.

I love your sweet immune voice that sound so nice

I love those songs that you and i used to sing together

The capibility and the spirits of yours have awaken me

and make me who i am today

that stand so firm and strong on the grounds.

No one can change my heart and thinking towards you

No one can change our brotherhood

No one can tear us off

cos you and i are the “Crouching Tiger , Hidden Dragon”.

I believe with our strengths and capabilities

We will create our legend and empire.

The sacrifices you have made for me

The words you have said to me

They are meaningful to me

And remain in my heart no matter where I go

I promise myself to look after you

No matter how and what

Cos you are the only “dragon” I had.

No one can replace your status

No one can take you away from me

Cos you are my beloved ‘dragon’.

Thanks for giving me the best of the best

Thanks for always being my side when I am down

Thanks for always cheer me up

And I am sorry that I have made a mistake on you that day.

The promise will take effect all the way

till the day I die.

My promise to you would never die

Even the Armageddon has hit on earth!

The Yellowish and Orangy Fire
Has lighted up my heart
It was so warm and heat till i can feel its temperature
It seems like it just exploded from the Volcano.
The reddish lava runned so fast
and burned down all the creatures and objects
that blocked its ways.

The screaming and moaning of the creatures
made me feel uneasy
and the sense of guilty flowed from my mind
I saw it with my eyes
and i feel it with my heart
yet i cannot do anything
with what happened in front of my eyes.
The hands was lend out to save the creatures besides me
But it seems no one can hold it tightly
Ain’t my hands are too slippery?

I asked myself
What has happened around me
It seems so unpredictable and yet hard to understand the creation of the world
The feel of joyness and happiness was just faded away
within a few seconds.

I came across and learnt that
there has no forever in this world
there has no differentiation in this world
there has no equality in this world
there has no memory that i can always flashback
when the time comes which hit in front of you.

The fate is set on you
you can run but you can’t run too far from there
unless the God would like to change the fate of yours
by putting a savior for you.

I came across
yet i am still crossing
those unpredictable holes under my barefoots.

I am looking for F and not B
Even F & B are the same in L industry.

There has many types of F around us
but I would say I prefer certain kind of F
which is sexy enough to look before putting it into my mouth.
Or which has certain standard in term of their knowledge, intelligent and skills.
It’s just like sushi that it looks so sexy before you putting it to your mouth.
Or it’s just like the food has reach a certain standard of presentation,fragrant and taste.
And it just like you has to understand a certain culture of a cuisine
so that you won’t be left out
Or you won’t be making fool of yourself in the occasion.

Even there has many cute and nice B
But I am scared of always go to toilet for pee
If the B is ‘good-looking’ enough
And taste good
And has branding
Just like Coca-cola
I don’t mind to give a try in buying such B.

Don’t ask me why
There have no reasons for it.
It’s just like you like hot and spicy
but you hate sour
or sweet
or salty food!

MIND YOU
F = Food
B= Beverage
L = Leisure

Life ups and downs.

It seems so unpredictable.

I have fallen down and i climbed up again.

The remarkable scars are not faded

due to time

The experience still refresh in my mind

The repetition has bored me in someways.

But i know there is a bodement

The untold secret

that i need to search it out

with the unknown deadline

The inner of me

voice the most

Nothing will defeat me unless

my heart has stopped beating.

The sound of silence

has never fear me off

The sound of tokens

has blinked and illumed my eyes.

The blinded eyes

has illusioned and illuded me

The deaf ears

trusted the strangers’ sweet talk the most

The toxic mouth

has accused myself with smarmy

The lazy hands and legs

has made me become a fatty girl.

The loyal heart

remains shinny like a diamond

The twisty mind

has made me feel alive.

I am waiting my autumn to come

to smell and touch my beloved maple leaves.

I am waiting my winter to come

to lick the snow falls from the sky.

The eyes were closed to sense the sound of jungle.

The ears were deaf to sense the sound of waves.

Senses…

Tell me what i want the most…

-End-

Staying Alive,I started a joke,Words,First of May and etc..those are the nice songs sang by Bee Gees. They are one of the bands i loved the most. Those songs are played around my ears when i was young and my father and i used to sing together. Yeah,my father is one of their big fans. He is the one who influenced me the most in my life from musics to philosophy. He is the wonderful and fabulous man that really amazed me even there has many ups and downs in his life and this has intrigued me to think to be more appreciate what i have in my life. I miss him and my family a lot since i was back. I miss to chance to celebrate Mother Day and Father Day with them.I miss the chance to watch Euro 2008 with them. Life would be boring and dull without their companion and existence.

I started to reliaze daddy is a good cook when i stayed with him in W*.I was away from home for couple of years and many things weren’t realized by me until i really stay with them.I have been a ’selfish’ and ’stubborn’ daughther to them for many years. I thought i know them well..i thought they can handle it..i thought they don’t love me much compare to my other siblings..BUT I WAS WRONG. I WAS TOTALLY & EXPLICITLY WRONG. The love and care they gave me are much more than others but it just never say it out. I hurted them deeply when i voiced my opinion and firm on my decision without thinking their feeling but they still love me in the end. I hope it’s not too late for me to change…for me to say i love them. 

I hope i can graduate soon and back to their sides and accompany them.

Happy Father Day,Daddy.

Miss,

K.K.